Good gracious! Where has time gone?

I noticed that I haven't written in a while, so before I embark on the telling of all of my Christmas break adventures, I'd like to take a moment to recap everything that has happened since the fortuitous day I received my first car (and no, I have not wrecked it. Mercy is just peachy, thanks!)

The end of the semester is finally here, and I survived yet another semester of writing papers, doing service hours, taking tests and of course making loads of memories with my friends. I competed in my first taekwondo tournament (3rd place-forms, 1st place-sparring), tested for my blue belt and continued working at the Walgreens back home in FC.

And it was at Walgreens that I had one of the most profound experiences of the year. So allow me to use the rest of this post to share my story.

It all started when I got my work schedule for Thanksgiving break. The only shift they could offer me over the whole five days I was going to be home was Black Friday. Knowing that I needed the hours, I could do nothing but accept the shift and prepare myself to be at Walgreens when the doors opened at 7 a.m. My thoughts: "Oh snap."

For anyone who doesn't know, I am basically nocturnal, so waking up at 5:30 a.m. to get ready for work is a big deal! Amazingly enough, I made it to work on time, in spite of almost forgetting to pack my lunch and discovering an unexpected layer of frost on my windshield.

When I pulled into the parking lot, there were already people lined up outside the door waiting to get in. I knocked on the door, gained entrance, said hello to the store manager, clocked in and braced myself as I walked to the doors to admit the bargain-thirsty shoppers. My thoughts: "Please don't let them kill me!"

My day can be divided into two distinct parts and each of them, thank God, were completely different.

First, the sale. Top sellers included these large decorator candles on sale three for $9.99 and these little artificial potted pre-lit four-foot Christmas trees buy one, get one free. It was completely crazy. My thoughts: "Baby step to eleven o'clock, baby step to eleven o'clock."

My fifteen minute break never felt so good. Soon, though, I was back out at the cash register and ready for Round 2: the Santa. That's right, Walgreens invited a Santa to come in and take photos with the children for a couple of hours. This actually turned out to be a good thing, since for those two hours, every child in the store was on his or her best behavior. It was actually amazing. Never in my life have I been so thankful for a Santa Claus.

After Santa left, things calmed down and the melancholy that is a small-town Walgreens returned. I made my escape at 3:30 p.m., sore-footed and drained of all energy, but happy that I was a survivor.

The rest of the semester has been pretty tame compared to that one Friday, but I'm glad to have the experience! Glad it's over, though!

What's in a name?

Today I have the joy of naming my first car. She's beautiful: a muted red 2008 Hyundai Elantra. Great gas mileage, awesome safety rating, not too many miles already on it, sunroof and (possibly my favorite) cruise control on the steering wheel.

Needless to say, I am a very blessed college kid. Also easily guessed: my part time Walgreens paycheck is not going to be able to pay for this car. So how in the world did I end up driving this vehicle home today? I'm glad you asked.

My father offered me the same deal he extended to my sister when she purchased her first car six years ago: I pay the down payment and he'll take care of the rest. He did this because he knows that we will travel far and he'd rather we have reliable vehicles than purchase what we can actually afford. He wants us to be safe, and helping to provide us decent cars is one way he can be proactive in that facet of our lives.

But driving home today, I couldn't escape the feeling that I didn't deserve this. As some of you may know, a couple of summers ago I accrued a pretty rough driving record.

I totaled my mother's van because I was stupid and allowed my cell phone to distract me while driving. A few months later, I hydroplaned on a country road while driving my sister's car; I spun into a ditch and hit the same fence post three times.

It's been a running joke in my family ever since that I'm not the safest driver. I'm still living with that reputation. (My sister's boyfriend even has a bet going about how long it'll take me to wreck this car.)

So it's pretty easy to see why I have mixed feelings about receiving such a nice car today. I don't really deserve it. With my past record, I don't feel like I could ever do anything to earn such a car or the trust that goes with it. And yet, the keys are in my purse, the mirrors are adjusted to my liking and the owner's manual is mine to peruse and become knowledgeable of.

Why? Why did my parents feel the need to help me get such a nice car? They could have easily found a cheap clunker that could make it over Monteagle and leave it at that. Instead, they have given me this Elantra, in spite of the price and in spite of my past.

Isn't is so much like the grace and mercy of God? We can never do anything to deserve it, and He had to pay such a high price to offer it to us. Yet He didn't hesitate to die on the cross. Why?

Because we're worth it. We are so precious to Him, in spite of our shortcomings, that He went all the way to Calvary to pay for our salvation. All He asks of us is that we live a life of love, love for Him and love for others.

Similarly, my dad asks that, in return for his trust and his investment in me, I exercise caution and discretion in my actions. It's such a small thing to ask when I consider the sacrifices that he and my mother are making in order for me to have such a vehicle.

So, in recognition of my parents' faith in me and of the sacrifice that God made for me, I have decided to name my car Mercy.

For I have been granted mercy by both my parents and God: a chance to escape my past driving record and a chance to escape a life of sin. I can't change my past, but I can live in the light that God has cast upon me. I choose to walk in that path, in that bright future that I know God has for me.

And every time I get behind the wheel of my vehicle, I will remember to thank God for Mercy, both the action and the car.

Once upon a T[U2]esday night...

Last Tuesday, Oct. 6, 2009, was one of the most amazing nights I have ever had. Some friends and I traveled to Atlanta, Ga., for the U2 360 tour. (You can read a review of the concert that I wrote here.)

This night was a night of many firsts for me: the first time I'd been to a mainstream concert, the first time I'd been to any event where alcohol was sold, the first time I had ever bought a tour shirt, just to name a few. (I can now truthfully tell someone that I have been there, done that, got the T-shirt!)

It was also a first for one of my best friends: I was so glad to get to rock out with Richard at his first big concert experience. And we did indeed rock all night.

I decided to share a couple of my favorite songs from the concert here. Sometimes the sound quality isn't the greatest, and at times the background noise (such as the beer vendor in the second video) gets annoying, but these memories are some that I will cherish forever. I was truly "stuck in a moment" in the "city of blinding lights."

Hope you enjoy!

The greatest of these is love...

Over the past few months, I have found myself enveloped in an ongoing discussion concerning a topic of great dissension in the body of Christ: predestination.

What challenges me most in this discussion is that the two sides are coming from two different seats of emotion: predestination has a more logical, analytical structure originating in the mind and in a direct interpretation of Scripture, while free will arguments tend to originate more in the emotive parts of our reasoning.

Now, as far as I am able to discern, the main verses in support of predestination is found in Romans 8, mainly verses 29-30, which in the NKJV read, "For whom He foreknew, He also predestined to be conformed to the image of His Son, that He might be the firstborn among many brethren. Moreover whom He predestined, these He also called; whom He called, these He also justified; and whom He justified, these He also glorified."

I can see their point.

It makes logical sense to me that these passages could be interpreted to mean that God has called a select number to repentance and has put a cap on salvation. It even makes sense that God cannot have given us free will simply because He already knows what's going to happen, so what's the point?

But since when was anything in Christianity based on solely logic? The whole idea of faith is that it is "substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things unseen."

John 6:40 records Jesus as saying, "And this is the will of Him who sent Me, that everyone who sees the Son and believes in Him may have everlasting life; and I will raise him up at the last day.”

Everyone, eh?

I find it intriguing that Paul, who spoke so avidly of predestination in Romans 9 would write in Romans 10: "For there is no distinction between Jew and Greek, for the same Lord over all is rich to all who call upon Him. For 'whoever calls on the name of the LORD shall be saved.'"

Whoever? Or only those who are called and predestined? A predestinatarian would say that this is explicable because only the chosen would feel compelled to call on the name of the Lord.

Again, I could see that.

But the one thing that I cannot agree with or even really grasp about the doctrine of predestination is the incongruency I see in the biblically-established character of God: 1 John 4:8 states that "God is love."

1 Corinthians 13, known for its poignant definition of love, leads me to isolate a few characteristics of Love; it "bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails."

This is the part where I depart from the strict use of scripture and begin to use a few concepts that I learned in geometry class: the idea of proofs.

If God is love, and love hopes all things, is it a stretch to say that God hopes that all might be saved? Too abstract, maybe?

Sidebar: If a believer in predestination is witnessing to someone, can they honestly say "Jesus loves you"? What if it turns out they are not "chosen"? If Jesus loved them, would He not have chosen them for salvation as well? Does God love those He condemns to eternal suffering by not choosing them as one of the elect? Just a thought.

How about the idea that we are all made in God's image (Genesis 2)? If God made each of us in His image, why would He who "bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things" decide that only a select few of His creation were salvageable?

A predestinarian friend of mine recently elaborated on the idea that because God is all-present and all-knowing, the notion of free will would insinuate that a human could change the mind of God.

In my mind I have an image of God that seems to be quite different from this description. I see God with a script of the future. I can hear Him calling to each person, telling each of His creations, "Here is the script. Are you sure this is what you want? This isn't how I want it to be! But as soon as it's sealed, the choice is permanent!"

For we all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God (Romans 3:23). At some point in our lives, we were all in that place of disgrace, in that separation from God. But that voice of Mercy calls out to each of us, telling us, "NO! This isn't how it has to be!"

As the old song says, "The love of God is greater far than tongue of men can ever tell. It goes beyond the highest star and reaches to the lowest hell."

I have decided after much consideration that I do not and cannot believe in the Calvinistic concept of predestination. And if I err, I err on the side of love. For "Love never fails. But whether there are prophecies, they will fail; whether there are tongues, they will cease; whether there is knowledge, it will vanish away" (1 Corinthians 13:8).

Maybe I'm simply an affective fool, but "God has chosen the foolish things of the world to put to shame the wise" (1 Corinthians 1:27).

For these reasons, I will continue to love everyone and live in hope that everyone has the chance of being my brother or sister in Christ.

Blessings to all.

Mirror, Mirror

Mirror, Mirror, what do I see
As I stand here gazing?
Countless flaws and social faux pas,
Nothing too amazing.

My eyes are too small,
My teeth aren't all straight,
And I freckle, never tan.
My ears a crooked
Though no one will notice.
They're covered so nobody can.

My legs are too short,
My face is too long,
My hair has a mind of its own.
And I'm still surprised
That I've lived this long
With only one broken bone.

My clothes were on clearance,
My jewelry's homemade,
My shoes are falling apart.
I pay no mind to trends and styles,
And most of my shopping
Is done at Wal-Mart.

But Mirror, there must be something more
Than just the reflection I see,
For God has claimed me as His own,
And He has a different vision of me.

I am washed in the blood
That His Son shed for me,
And I am whiter than snow.
I am His adopted child,
And He loves me so much.
It's more than I could ever know.

He sees my heart,
How it beats for Him,
How I want nothing more than His will.
My life I gave to Him,
And I listen for His command
To act or simply be still.

My passion is His people,
My mission His work,
To show the world His love.
To live in a way
That no one can doubt
I live for God above.

So Mirror, you've deceived me
Because I looked with the human eye.
For my beauty surpasses the natural,
It's the beauty of the Most High.

Finding forgiveness in faith

I have read the Gospel of Luke countless times in my life, but tonight I noticed something that I had never really taken note of before: after Jesus tells the disciples that they are to forgive without limit, they automatically ask not how to accomplish such a feat of forgiveness, but rather how to increase their faith.

Perhaps the realization is slow in coming for me, but it amazes me how intrinsically related faith and forgiveness really are. One cannot forgive without faith. But one must have the right kind of faith: a faith in God. For if we forgive in faith of our human selves or counterparts, we shall surely be disappointed.

As humans, we do not have the capacity for perfection. Nor do we have the ability to forgive if we are trusting in ourselves or others to enact that forgiveness.

It's so simple, yet so wonderful! We "forgive as the Lord forgave you," and the forgiveness of God is based in God's greatness, not in our capacity to act upon it! So why do we as humans feel like when we forgive others that they are then responsible for maintaining that forgiveness?

I am such a foolish girl for ever thinking that anything in my life is rooted in this world. When I gave my life to God, He took everything. But sometimes He lets me feel like I still have control of some things, just so that when I realize He's had it all along, I can simply let go and rejoice in the awesomeness of my God.

I feel like I am now living in the freedom of forgiveness because I truly understand that when I forgive someone, it's not my forgiveness at all that I bestow. My forgiveness means nothing; it is human and will pass away like a vapor in the wind. But my Father's forgiveness is powerful enough to heal all wounds, and that's the forgiveness that I lean upon today.

I've always heard that forgiveness is such a powerful thing; now I truly believe it.

The summer of complacent discontent

Yesterday marked the official end of my summer break: I packed all my things and moved back to Lee's campus to begin the travail of the fall semester.

As I step into the current of a new academic year, I can't help but look back and reflect on a summer that, though nothing like I had planned when I left campus in May, has been a true life-changing, learning and growing experience.

This summer, I rediscovered my roots. I spent time with family, reaffirmed the bonds of old friendships, discovered the true beauty of my microcosmic world, rediscovered my artistic side and even dabbled a bit in country music.

Most importantly, I learned that God really does have to be the center of absolutely everything in our lives. He is the Potter, we are the clay. We have to be in the center of His wheel or risk being flung off, bruised, torn, messed up. But praise be to Him who always picks us up, brushes us off and sets us back on the wheel so that He can compassionately mold us into the people He wants us to be!

So if this summer has been so great, why the epithet of "complacent discontent"?

Simply because there was so much else I wanted to do. I spent most of my summer longing to be elsewhere. To make a trip. To have an adventure. To show the world what I'm made of.

Instead, I settled into the seemingly monotonous Franklin County life that I have known for 20 years now. But hindsight is 20/20.

I didn't travel outside the state of Tennessee, but I discovered magical places practically in my backyard!

I didn't have an awesome internship, but I learned about helping people you've never seen and will most likely never see again.

I didn't go on a mission trip, but I reached out to the children of my church. And they reached back to me. I don't know who got the better end of that deal because they blessed me so much this summer.

I didn't introduce myself to the world, but the world began to introduce itself to me.

If anything this summer has taught me three things:

1. Sometime the responsible thing to do may not be fun, but you will always reap the benefits of obedience.

2. A good root system will help you weather any storm.

3. I don't have to go looking for adventure; God will supply my every need and use me to supply the needs of others no matter where I go. He has me exactly where He wants me, and that's where I always want to be. Sure, the physical location may change, but no matter where I am, I know that God is there guiding my way.

Even though I feel that my calling will lead me far from the home I love, it will always be home. And I was so blessed to spend my summer-my entire summer-in such a wonderful place.

So it's with a heart full of love that I look back on summer 2009, my summer of complacent discontent, and bid it a fond farewell.

There were hard times and tears, but there were also many wonderful times and laughter.

I can't spend my time wondering what would have happened if... I now have the task of taking what happened and applying the lessons learned to the future. And let me tell you, "It's gonna be a brighter day!"