I have thought many times about what the next post on this blog should be, and I apologize for being away for so long, but I think everything that I almost wrote in the past couple of months has culminated into what I hope to convey tonight.
Have you ever had one of those moments where everything that has happened in the past few hours, days, even weeks just crashes down like a rogue tsunami and leaves you standing in what once was a peaceful existence? Tonight my tsunami hit.
I'm not going to go into a rant about what has been happening in my life or what I hypothesize is the cause of my sudden emotional and mental turmoil. I choose rather to simply tell you what I feel in my inner-most being.
No matter what just happened to me, no matter how over my head I feel I have been plunged, no matter how much pain I endure as a result, God is still in control. And He knows what He is doing. And I don't.
"Why would God intentionally hurt you?" you ask. You know, I don't really know that, either. But I do know that He promised to walk beside me no matter what storms came my way. And I know that He had a plan for me before I was born into this world, where He said that we would have troubles.
I can't change what is happening around me, but I can change my attitude about what is happening. About an hour ago, I was honestly on the brink of panicking and heading for the hills, but that wouldn't have solved anything, now would it? I would have come back from my little hiatus and still had a knot to untangle. Repressing and ignoring the problem doesn't help; just ask all the adults in therapy unraveling their childhood problems.
So I can't change it, I can't run from it, and I can't handle it by myself. That leaves me with one option (the one I should have chosen to begin with, by the way): I have to trust God.
Easier said than done, you smirk. Yes, yes it is, but it's the only way that I will come through this alive and better than I was when I went in. And I will gladly give God the glory for what is about to happen in my life. Because whatever it is, someone (*cough*devil*cough*) really doesn't want whatever it is to take place.
My father sings a song that says, "Sometimes He calms the storm, other times He calms the child." And I know that sometimes God chooses to calm me when I want Him to calm the storm. Sometimes I even resist His peace in my life because I don't see the change that I want to see.
But even as I write this, I can feel His peace beginning to calm me and soothe the agitated waters of my mind. An hour ago, I didn't think I was going to be able to sleep tonight. But, as my friends in EVS so often said, "The devil is a liar!"
I promised to keep this simple, so I'll wrap up my wandering thoughts with one final reflection.
This entire week, I have been fixated on the song "How He Loves" by John Mark McMillan (though I listen to the David Crowder version, personally). For those who haven't heard the song, the first few lines of the song says, "He is jealous for me. Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy."
I now feel like I understand what it means to love like a hurricane. I have reflected previously about the purging quality of wind, and if any kind of storm has wind, it is the hurricane of God's love. The past few months have been a build-up for this, the wall of the eye, the greatest force of wind imaginable. The true and unshackled love of God.
No, I don't understand it all. But I do feel like the things that have been blown out of my life by this recent wind were things that God knew I didn't need to cling to any longer. I have to let go of everything around me before I can truly embrace God's love. And now I sit in the eye of the storm, the calm of the storm, leaning against my Saviour as He bolsters me for the second half of the storm, the rest of the trial that will teach me about the greatness of my God.
It is only through storms that we can grow. But God is in the wall of the storm as much as He is in the still small voice in the calm.
So I bolster myself, "with arms high and heart abandoned," to face the rest of this storm that will cleanse my mind and purge my life of what needs to be eradicated.
I can't wait to see what God is doing here.
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Friday, February 5, 2010
Transitions
Recently, a professor of mine used Joshua 1:9 as a devotional at the beginning of class. What she had to say about the verse really stuck with me, and I'd like to share it, along with some of my other reflections based around the ideas therein.
As the devotion was originally shared in Spanish (and I assume that most people who read this are native English speakers), I'll do my best to translate the full meaning of the original devotional thought.
I've been dealing with a lot of transitions in my life lately, both present and impending, so when my professor reminded me of one of the greatest transitions in the history of the Israelites, I couldn't help but find peace in what I learned about how God handles the tough times in our lives.
In Joshua 1:9, God is speaking to Joshua, the brand new leader of Israel and the man who is supposed to lead the children of Israel into the promised land. Having spent years as an assistant to Moses, being tossed into the spotlight must have been a frightening thing for Joshua.
Twice before this verse, the Lord admonishes Joshua to "be strong" and "very courageous." The verse in question, though, sums up nicely everything that the Lord had to say to the new young leader.
"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go.”
God takes this opportunity to bolster Joshua by reminding him that He will be with him wherever he goes. While the idea of God being present through all our trials is indeed key, that is not what stood out to me (nor to my professor when she presented this verse).
God did not label Himself as "the God of Moses" or "the God of your forefathers." He specifically said, "I am YOUR God, Joshua." It's as if God truly wanted him to understand that he was chosen and that he wasn't just walking in someone else's faith.
God chose Joshua; now all Joshua had to do was choose God. Joshua could have chosen to not be the kind of assertive leader God had called him to be. He was quite a young man, and I imagine that some of the people (especially the elders in the tribes) probably had a real issue with his appointment to leadership, even if the Lord did command it.
Not to mention that Joshua was going into a very unfamiliar situation. All the reports of the land in front of him showed that it was indeed hostile territory and that a war was basically inevitable.
All I can think is how hard it must have been to really hear God say, "Be strong and courageous" when such a daunting task loomed in the future.
Though in my mind I picture Joshua to be a much greater warrior and confident leader than Gideon was in the book of Judges, I still get the impression that he still had his doubts, perhaps not on God's ability, but possibly on his own.
But how can one be discouraged when even the Lord is telling you, "Hey! You've got this! Be strong! Be courageous!"
In the same way, I feel like God is calling to us as he did to Joshua in that time of great transition in his life: "You're my child! I'm your God! With Me, all things are possible! I won't give you a task that My grace cannot provide you strength to complete!"
The thing that stood out to me most about this verse, though, is that it wasn't a suggestion. It was a command. Don't be afraid. Don't be dismayed. Be strong. Be courageous.
That being said, to be afraid and dismayed about the future is to be in direct disobedience to God. To even lose our courage is not following God's command. It gives me a whole new reason to quit looking at what I can't do and look at what God is doing through me.
And why can we leave fear behind and embrace the courage we need to face the battles of life? Because our God is with us. Always.
May I never cease to praise Him for His lovingkindness and His marvelous presence in my life! In the light of His goodness and grace, how can the troubles of this world compare?
As the devotion was originally shared in Spanish (and I assume that most people who read this are native English speakers), I'll do my best to translate the full meaning of the original devotional thought.
I've been dealing with a lot of transitions in my life lately, both present and impending, so when my professor reminded me of one of the greatest transitions in the history of the Israelites, I couldn't help but find peace in what I learned about how God handles the tough times in our lives.
In Joshua 1:9, God is speaking to Joshua, the brand new leader of Israel and the man who is supposed to lead the children of Israel into the promised land. Having spent years as an assistant to Moses, being tossed into the spotlight must have been a frightening thing for Joshua.
Twice before this verse, the Lord admonishes Joshua to "be strong" and "very courageous." The verse in question, though, sums up nicely everything that the Lord had to say to the new young leader.
"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go.”
God takes this opportunity to bolster Joshua by reminding him that He will be with him wherever he goes. While the idea of God being present through all our trials is indeed key, that is not what stood out to me (nor to my professor when she presented this verse).
God did not label Himself as "the God of Moses" or "the God of your forefathers." He specifically said, "I am YOUR God, Joshua." It's as if God truly wanted him to understand that he was chosen and that he wasn't just walking in someone else's faith.
God chose Joshua; now all Joshua had to do was choose God. Joshua could have chosen to not be the kind of assertive leader God had called him to be. He was quite a young man, and I imagine that some of the people (especially the elders in the tribes) probably had a real issue with his appointment to leadership, even if the Lord did command it.
Not to mention that Joshua was going into a very unfamiliar situation. All the reports of the land in front of him showed that it was indeed hostile territory and that a war was basically inevitable.
All I can think is how hard it must have been to really hear God say, "Be strong and courageous" when such a daunting task loomed in the future.
Though in my mind I picture Joshua to be a much greater warrior and confident leader than Gideon was in the book of Judges, I still get the impression that he still had his doubts, perhaps not on God's ability, but possibly on his own.
But how can one be discouraged when even the Lord is telling you, "Hey! You've got this! Be strong! Be courageous!"
In the same way, I feel like God is calling to us as he did to Joshua in that time of great transition in his life: "You're my child! I'm your God! With Me, all things are possible! I won't give you a task that My grace cannot provide you strength to complete!"
The thing that stood out to me most about this verse, though, is that it wasn't a suggestion. It was a command. Don't be afraid. Don't be dismayed. Be strong. Be courageous.
That being said, to be afraid and dismayed about the future is to be in direct disobedience to God. To even lose our courage is not following God's command. It gives me a whole new reason to quit looking at what I can't do and look at what God is doing through me.
And why can we leave fear behind and embrace the courage we need to face the battles of life? Because our God is with us. Always.
May I never cease to praise Him for His lovingkindness and His marvelous presence in my life! In the light of His goodness and grace, how can the troubles of this world compare?
Thursday, January 14, 2010
I Dreamed a Dream in Time Gone By...
Recently, I had two very perplexing dreams that caused me to pause and ponder the nature of dreams and what we can really gain from them.
I know that dreams are (thought to be) outlets through which our brains process information that is daily crammed into our minds. Each tiny detail of every day is recorded, and sleep is a time to file away in an organized manner the memories and cues that have been acquired during our daily rituals and experiences. Sometimes, though, I think we can learn an abundance from the dreams that are a result of the filing system that God designed for each of our unique brains. Our dreams are a way for our brains to get our attention, to take a situation and put it in terms that grab our attention and spell out what is really going on when perhaps we don't want to admit it.
For example, over the course of two nights in the past week, I had two very strange dreams that separately make entirely no sense. In the first, I was outdoors with my family when I startled a snake who had coiled up with a garden hose in the yard. The snake then proceeded to chase me and bite me. When I tried to get help at the local hospital, I was simply handed a stack of paperwork and told that they'd get to me eventually.
The second dream was more bizarre: I was working in a show with a group of blue aliens (yes, I blame Avatar for this). Suddenly, my father (not my actual dad; I seriously felt like I was in a movie) grabs me up and we start running for our lives. I figure out as the dream unfolds that apparently my father in the dream is an alien who had learned to morph into human form, thereby making me half alien. That did not make the traditional aliens very happy. I could never tell if they wanted to kill me or study me, but either way, I did not think it would be a great experience.
After that second dream, I began to wonder if consuming sugar right before bedtime was the culprit of the strangeness of my dreams (but that's a different story). I couldn't get the imagery out of my head, and finally a commonality in the two dreams presented itself to me. In both, I was running from something of which I am deathly afraid (yes, I am afraid of aliens. As a child, I was terrified of ET. True story).
I started trying to apply that to the actual events of my life and realized that, once again, my subconscience was right. For the past month, I have been so afraid of what the future holds for me: finishing undergrad in only three more semesters, grad school possibilities, career possibilities, where to go, who to see, friends to gain and lose, just an overall anxiety about what was going to happen.
I'm not always an anxious person, but every once in a while I do freak out. It's like that feeling I get when I'm floating; I'm calm and enjoying the water, then suddenly every nerve in my body jumps to attention because relying on water for stability just doesn't make sense. I literally lose the ability to float simply because my body doesn't trust the water.
In life, it's basically the same thing with God. I need to rely totally on His plan for my life, but occasionally I start to overthink things and realize that there are way too many blank holes in the plan for it to be feasibly trusted. Every neuron fires in revolt of following such an incomplete plan and I have a viable mutiny between my brain and my faith. (Sometimes being an intellectual really has its downfalls. Childlike faith becomes a true task to achieve.)
In times like that I have to literally just stop and listen to God call to me as He did to Israel in Psalm 46:10: "Be still and know that I am God."
I've been reading lately about God's promise to us and how we are children of promise and not children of the law (see Galatians for Paul's explanation on the thought). Though Paul was talking about the Hebrew law, I began to reflect on how that writing applies to us today. We as Christians no longer have Pharisees nagging at us to eat only clean animals or wear only certain fabrics as prescribed in Mosaic law, but we do have a world that is telling us how to be politically correct and how we should be unoffensive to everyone, even when we stand blatantly against them (which is also taboo, by the way). They even tell us that we have to have a plan for our lives, that we need to know what we're doing long before we do it. And oftentimes, if that plan doesn't include the pursuit of riches or success, they will tell you you're stupid and you'll never amount to anything.
In the reality of God's plan for my life, though, I only know what I'm doing right now. I am a student. I am studying psychology, Spanish and TESOL, and as long as God has me on this path, I will give each of my classes all that I have. I don't know why God has me on so many seemingly different paths, but one of these days, I'll reach a crossroads where all of them meet and it will (hopefully) all make sense.
I am a friend, a daughter and a sister. Some things will never change. God gave me my family as a means of support, but sometimes their roles in my life will change. I guess we both have to learn how to cope with that one. As for my friends, some of them I just intuitively know will always be there, even if I don't hear from them as often as I'd like.
I'm an employee. As much as I don't understand why God has me working at Walgreens, He has yet to release me from it, so I'm just assuming there's a reason for me to be where I am.
In everything, though, God knows my every need, and He will provide like He always has.
Yes, it is very disconcerting to me to think that I am not really sure in what state or even what country I will be in a year and a half from now. But I know that God has the plan, and He can see the road beyond the bumps of this semester and beyond the curve of graduation next year. He knows me better than I know myself, and I need to trust Him, no matter what the laws and the physical situation around me are saying.
It's kind of like floating. It scares me to rely on something so seemingly unstable for total support. But you have to learn to float before you can swim. It doesn't make sense and sometimes I don't think I'm capable of doing it, but the more I trust, the more I find that all things are indeed possible.
In the meantime, I'll keep living one day at a time and dreaming of the plans that God has for me. And hopefully, there will be no more snakes or strange alien life forms.
I know that dreams are (thought to be) outlets through which our brains process information that is daily crammed into our minds. Each tiny detail of every day is recorded, and sleep is a time to file away in an organized manner the memories and cues that have been acquired during our daily rituals and experiences. Sometimes, though, I think we can learn an abundance from the dreams that are a result of the filing system that God designed for each of our unique brains. Our dreams are a way for our brains to get our attention, to take a situation and put it in terms that grab our attention and spell out what is really going on when perhaps we don't want to admit it.
For example, over the course of two nights in the past week, I had two very strange dreams that separately make entirely no sense. In the first, I was outdoors with my family when I startled a snake who had coiled up with a garden hose in the yard. The snake then proceeded to chase me and bite me. When I tried to get help at the local hospital, I was simply handed a stack of paperwork and told that they'd get to me eventually.
The second dream was more bizarre: I was working in a show with a group of blue aliens (yes, I blame Avatar for this). Suddenly, my father (not my actual dad; I seriously felt like I was in a movie) grabs me up and we start running for our lives. I figure out as the dream unfolds that apparently my father in the dream is an alien who had learned to morph into human form, thereby making me half alien. That did not make the traditional aliens very happy. I could never tell if they wanted to kill me or study me, but either way, I did not think it would be a great experience.
After that second dream, I began to wonder if consuming sugar right before bedtime was the culprit of the strangeness of my dreams (but that's a different story). I couldn't get the imagery out of my head, and finally a commonality in the two dreams presented itself to me. In both, I was running from something of which I am deathly afraid (yes, I am afraid of aliens. As a child, I was terrified of ET. True story).
I started trying to apply that to the actual events of my life and realized that, once again, my subconscience was right. For the past month, I have been so afraid of what the future holds for me: finishing undergrad in only three more semesters, grad school possibilities, career possibilities, where to go, who to see, friends to gain and lose, just an overall anxiety about what was going to happen.
I'm not always an anxious person, but every once in a while I do freak out. It's like that feeling I get when I'm floating; I'm calm and enjoying the water, then suddenly every nerve in my body jumps to attention because relying on water for stability just doesn't make sense. I literally lose the ability to float simply because my body doesn't trust the water.
In life, it's basically the same thing with God. I need to rely totally on His plan for my life, but occasionally I start to overthink things and realize that there are way too many blank holes in the plan for it to be feasibly trusted. Every neuron fires in revolt of following such an incomplete plan and I have a viable mutiny between my brain and my faith. (Sometimes being an intellectual really has its downfalls. Childlike faith becomes a true task to achieve.)
In times like that I have to literally just stop and listen to God call to me as He did to Israel in Psalm 46:10: "Be still and know that I am God."
I've been reading lately about God's promise to us and how we are children of promise and not children of the law (see Galatians for Paul's explanation on the thought). Though Paul was talking about the Hebrew law, I began to reflect on how that writing applies to us today. We as Christians no longer have Pharisees nagging at us to eat only clean animals or wear only certain fabrics as prescribed in Mosaic law, but we do have a world that is telling us how to be politically correct and how we should be unoffensive to everyone, even when we stand blatantly against them (which is also taboo, by the way). They even tell us that we have to have a plan for our lives, that we need to know what we're doing long before we do it. And oftentimes, if that plan doesn't include the pursuit of riches or success, they will tell you you're stupid and you'll never amount to anything.
In the reality of God's plan for my life, though, I only know what I'm doing right now. I am a student. I am studying psychology, Spanish and TESOL, and as long as God has me on this path, I will give each of my classes all that I have. I don't know why God has me on so many seemingly different paths, but one of these days, I'll reach a crossroads where all of them meet and it will (hopefully) all make sense.
I am a friend, a daughter and a sister. Some things will never change. God gave me my family as a means of support, but sometimes their roles in my life will change. I guess we both have to learn how to cope with that one. As for my friends, some of them I just intuitively know will always be there, even if I don't hear from them as often as I'd like.
I'm an employee. As much as I don't understand why God has me working at Walgreens, He has yet to release me from it, so I'm just assuming there's a reason for me to be where I am.
In everything, though, God knows my every need, and He will provide like He always has.
Yes, it is very disconcerting to me to think that I am not really sure in what state or even what country I will be in a year and a half from now. But I know that God has the plan, and He can see the road beyond the bumps of this semester and beyond the curve of graduation next year. He knows me better than I know myself, and I need to trust Him, no matter what the laws and the physical situation around me are saying.
It's kind of like floating. It scares me to rely on something so seemingly unstable for total support. But you have to learn to float before you can swim. It doesn't make sense and sometimes I don't think I'm capable of doing it, but the more I trust, the more I find that all things are indeed possible.
In the meantime, I'll keep living one day at a time and dreaming of the plans that God has for me. And hopefully, there will be no more snakes or strange alien life forms.
Friday, January 8, 2010
Ten things I've learned over break (and other miscellaneous musings)
10. Flying is quite an adventure. The first week of break, I stepped foot on a plane for the first time ever with my friend Andrea, bound for Massachusetts (more on that later). I learned that vertigo is no fun, but when the song "Vertigo" starts playing while you're experiencing vertigo, the situation is quite humorous. My solution to flying: sleep it off. And the free in-flight ginger ale works wonders, too (thanks, Cameron).
9. Working retail on Christmas makes one feel dirty. Anyone who talked to me the week before and the day of Christmas knows that I took being away from my family for the sake of running a cash register. I was actually quite bitter about the whole situation (and cried multiple times about it). I've decided that I never want to work retail on Christmas again. No amount of money is worth it. And people need to be with their families anyways, not checking to see if our Christmas cards are on sale yet.
8. Snow has a tendency to perfect every occasion I love snow. It's a bit of a quandary for me, seeing as how I tend to have no ability to stay warm in cold situations, but I'm slowly learning to adapt and overcome that small problem. Snow is, quite literally, the icing on the cake for me. It's almost as if for a moment one can forget the dead and dying grass that lies below and just enjoy the pristine beauty that is encompassed in a snowy day.
7. New England looks just like the postcards. Speaking of snow, I thought those picturesque "picture prints by Currier and Ives" were really just part of the song, not real life! I saw 14 inches of snow on the ground, made a snowlady who was almost as tall as I am and even jumped into a snowbank! Visiting Massachusetts was a true learning experience, and it is something I will not forget for a very, very long time. Thanks, Andrea, for sharing your home!
6. Even if the movie isn't that impressive, the soundtrack could still be gold. This is the case with New Moon. I was actually fairly disappointed with the movie. (Made from my least favorite book in the Twilight series anyways, it really didn't stand a chance, I don't think.) I was actually very skeptical about the soundtrack, too, since Carter Burwell was no longer composing the score. I've actually found myself liking it more and more, though. Deathcab's "Meet Me on the Equinox" is swiftly becoming my favorite, while the driving piano in "New Moon (The Meadow)" had me quite aurally captivated when I first heard it. Even the remix of "I Belong to You" was to my musical liking. That just goes to show you: don't throw the baby out with the bathwater. And don't write off every aspect of a production; read the fine print, too.
5. The "real world" just isn't worth the paycheck they give you. For all the long hours, cardboard cuts, heavy lifting, difficult customers and, above all, time missed with loved ones on account of going to work, it's not worth the paycheck that comes in. Yes, I have to have money to live in this world. But money and I are no good for each other. We just don't like each other at all. So why should I do anything for it? Ah the cruelty of life in this world! This is why I'm going to school. If I have to work for a paycheck, I'm going to at least do something I love.
4. It's the small things in life that really matter. Yes, I hate my job. But I can't say it's given me nothing but grief. Walgreens has afforded me some great opportunities to truly help people. From translating for the Hispanic patrons who come through the doors to helping customers find what they're looking for, it's nice to know you made a difference in someone's life. And one meets some of the strangest people. For example, on Christmas Day, a lady came through my line who had been alone all day because her mother was in the nursing home and her boyfriend was...well, he was with his wife. The lady just looked at me calmly and said, "I know, I'm horrible." Strange, indeed.
3. Sometimes you really just have to let go. It's amazing how simple this idea is, yet how reticent I am to enacting it in my own life. It's something I'm working on. When God tells me it's time to let go, I need to trust that if whatever it is is really supposed to be in my life, I don't have to hold onto it to keep it there. And some things are just better left on the highway in the rearview mirror. It's painful; sometimes you don't feel like there's any resolution. But sometimes that's just how it has to be.
2. I get by with a little help from my friends. Simply put, without mis amigos, I would drive myself crazy. I am very thankful that God has allowed my path to cross the paths of so many wonderful people and that He has seen fit that they would be with me through thick and thin. It's been an amazing journey, and I couldn't imagine it without my friends.
1. Nothing takes God by surprise. This is a lesson that wasn't learned over break; it was just proven to me time and again as it always is and always will be. Through the good and the bad, the easy and the hard, the understandable and the incomprehensible, one thing remains constant: God knows what we're going through, and He will never leave us nor forsake us. His infathomable love washes over even the greatest of disappointments and His intoxicating joy moves in our lives as the basis of every surge of felicitation. He is the everlasting King, and He guides each of our lives. We are where we are because He has a plan. We may not see the big picture, but we must learn to unconditionally trust the Creator of this magnificent work of art.
And finally, something that I keep going back to: "Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but when dreams come true, there is life and joy." Proverbs 13:12.
May all your lives be filled with life and joy as your dreams come true in 2010 and in the years to come.
9. Working retail on Christmas makes one feel dirty. Anyone who talked to me the week before and the day of Christmas knows that I took being away from my family for the sake of running a cash register. I was actually quite bitter about the whole situation (and cried multiple times about it). I've decided that I never want to work retail on Christmas again. No amount of money is worth it. And people need to be with their families anyways, not checking to see if our Christmas cards are on sale yet.
8. Snow has a tendency to perfect every occasion I love snow. It's a bit of a quandary for me, seeing as how I tend to have no ability to stay warm in cold situations, but I'm slowly learning to adapt and overcome that small problem. Snow is, quite literally, the icing on the cake for me. It's almost as if for a moment one can forget the dead and dying grass that lies below and just enjoy the pristine beauty that is encompassed in a snowy day.
7. New England looks just like the postcards. Speaking of snow, I thought those picturesque "picture prints by Currier and Ives" were really just part of the song, not real life! I saw 14 inches of snow on the ground, made a snowlady who was almost as tall as I am and even jumped into a snowbank! Visiting Massachusetts was a true learning experience, and it is something I will not forget for a very, very long time. Thanks, Andrea, for sharing your home!
6. Even if the movie isn't that impressive, the soundtrack could still be gold. This is the case with New Moon. I was actually fairly disappointed with the movie. (Made from my least favorite book in the Twilight series anyways, it really didn't stand a chance, I don't think.) I was actually very skeptical about the soundtrack, too, since Carter Burwell was no longer composing the score. I've actually found myself liking it more and more, though. Deathcab's "Meet Me on the Equinox" is swiftly becoming my favorite, while the driving piano in "New Moon (The Meadow)" had me quite aurally captivated when I first heard it. Even the remix of "I Belong to You" was to my musical liking. That just goes to show you: don't throw the baby out with the bathwater. And don't write off every aspect of a production; read the fine print, too.
5. The "real world" just isn't worth the paycheck they give you. For all the long hours, cardboard cuts, heavy lifting, difficult customers and, above all, time missed with loved ones on account of going to work, it's not worth the paycheck that comes in. Yes, I have to have money to live in this world. But money and I are no good for each other. We just don't like each other at all. So why should I do anything for it? Ah the cruelty of life in this world! This is why I'm going to school. If I have to work for a paycheck, I'm going to at least do something I love.
4. It's the small things in life that really matter. Yes, I hate my job. But I can't say it's given me nothing but grief. Walgreens has afforded me some great opportunities to truly help people. From translating for the Hispanic patrons who come through the doors to helping customers find what they're looking for, it's nice to know you made a difference in someone's life. And one meets some of the strangest people. For example, on Christmas Day, a lady came through my line who had been alone all day because her mother was in the nursing home and her boyfriend was...well, he was with his wife. The lady just looked at me calmly and said, "I know, I'm horrible." Strange, indeed.
3. Sometimes you really just have to let go. It's amazing how simple this idea is, yet how reticent I am to enacting it in my own life. It's something I'm working on. When God tells me it's time to let go, I need to trust that if whatever it is is really supposed to be in my life, I don't have to hold onto it to keep it there. And some things are just better left on the highway in the rearview mirror. It's painful; sometimes you don't feel like there's any resolution. But sometimes that's just how it has to be.
2. I get by with a little help from my friends. Simply put, without mis amigos, I would drive myself crazy. I am very thankful that God has allowed my path to cross the paths of so many wonderful people and that He has seen fit that they would be with me through thick and thin. It's been an amazing journey, and I couldn't imagine it without my friends.
1. Nothing takes God by surprise. This is a lesson that wasn't learned over break; it was just proven to me time and again as it always is and always will be. Through the good and the bad, the easy and the hard, the understandable and the incomprehensible, one thing remains constant: God knows what we're going through, and He will never leave us nor forsake us. His infathomable love washes over even the greatest of disappointments and His intoxicating joy moves in our lives as the basis of every surge of felicitation. He is the everlasting King, and He guides each of our lives. We are where we are because He has a plan. We may not see the big picture, but we must learn to unconditionally trust the Creator of this magnificent work of art.
And finally, something that I keep going back to: "Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but when dreams come true, there is life and joy." Proverbs 13:12.
May all your lives be filled with life and joy as your dreams come true in 2010 and in the years to come.
Saturday, December 12, 2009
Good gracious! Where has time gone?
I noticed that I haven't written in a while, so before I embark on the telling of all of my Christmas break adventures, I'd like to take a moment to recap everything that has happened since the fortuitous day I received my first car (and no, I have not wrecked it. Mercy is just peachy, thanks!)
The end of the semester is finally here, and I survived yet another semester of writing papers, doing service hours, taking tests and of course making loads of memories with my friends. I competed in my first taekwondo tournament (3rd place-forms, 1st place-sparring), tested for my blue belt and continued working at the Walgreens back home in FC.
And it was at Walgreens that I had one of the most profound experiences of the year. So allow me to use the rest of this post to share my story.
It all started when I got my work schedule for Thanksgiving break. The only shift they could offer me over the whole five days I was going to be home was Black Friday. Knowing that I needed the hours, I could do nothing but accept the shift and prepare myself to be at Walgreens when the doors opened at 7 a.m. My thoughts: "Oh snap."
For anyone who doesn't know, I am basically nocturnal, so waking up at 5:30 a.m. to get ready for work is a big deal! Amazingly enough, I made it to work on time, in spite of almost forgetting to pack my lunch and discovering an unexpected layer of frost on my windshield.
When I pulled into the parking lot, there were already people lined up outside the door waiting to get in. I knocked on the door, gained entrance, said hello to the store manager, clocked in and braced myself as I walked to the doors to admit the bargain-thirsty shoppers. My thoughts: "Please don't let them kill me!"
My day can be divided into two distinct parts and each of them, thank God, were completely different.
First, the sale. Top sellers included these large decorator candles on sale three for $9.99 and these little artificial potted pre-lit four-foot Christmas trees buy one, get one free. It was completely crazy. My thoughts: "Baby step to eleven o'clock, baby step to eleven o'clock."
My fifteen minute break never felt so good. Soon, though, I was back out at the cash register and ready for Round 2: the Santa. That's right, Walgreens invited a Santa to come in and take photos with the children for a couple of hours. This actually turned out to be a good thing, since for those two hours, every child in the store was on his or her best behavior. It was actually amazing. Never in my life have I been so thankful for a Santa Claus.
After Santa left, things calmed down and the melancholy that is a small-town Walgreens returned. I made my escape at 3:30 p.m., sore-footed and drained of all energy, but happy that I was a survivor.
The rest of the semester has been pretty tame compared to that one Friday, but I'm glad to have the experience! Glad it's over, though!
The end of the semester is finally here, and I survived yet another semester of writing papers, doing service hours, taking tests and of course making loads of memories with my friends. I competed in my first taekwondo tournament (3rd place-forms, 1st place-sparring), tested for my blue belt and continued working at the Walgreens back home in FC.
And it was at Walgreens that I had one of the most profound experiences of the year. So allow me to use the rest of this post to share my story.
It all started when I got my work schedule for Thanksgiving break. The only shift they could offer me over the whole five days I was going to be home was Black Friday. Knowing that I needed the hours, I could do nothing but accept the shift and prepare myself to be at Walgreens when the doors opened at 7 a.m. My thoughts: "Oh snap."
For anyone who doesn't know, I am basically nocturnal, so waking up at 5:30 a.m. to get ready for work is a big deal! Amazingly enough, I made it to work on time, in spite of almost forgetting to pack my lunch and discovering an unexpected layer of frost on my windshield.
When I pulled into the parking lot, there were already people lined up outside the door waiting to get in. I knocked on the door, gained entrance, said hello to the store manager, clocked in and braced myself as I walked to the doors to admit the bargain-thirsty shoppers. My thoughts: "Please don't let them kill me!"
My day can be divided into two distinct parts and each of them, thank God, were completely different.
First, the sale. Top sellers included these large decorator candles on sale three for $9.99 and these little artificial potted pre-lit four-foot Christmas trees buy one, get one free. It was completely crazy. My thoughts: "Baby step to eleven o'clock, baby step to eleven o'clock."
My fifteen minute break never felt so good. Soon, though, I was back out at the cash register and ready for Round 2: the Santa. That's right, Walgreens invited a Santa to come in and take photos with the children for a couple of hours. This actually turned out to be a good thing, since for those two hours, every child in the store was on his or her best behavior. It was actually amazing. Never in my life have I been so thankful for a Santa Claus.
After Santa left, things calmed down and the melancholy that is a small-town Walgreens returned. I made my escape at 3:30 p.m., sore-footed and drained of all energy, but happy that I was a survivor.
The rest of the semester has been pretty tame compared to that one Friday, but I'm glad to have the experience! Glad it's over, though!
Thursday, October 15, 2009
What's in a name?
Today I have the joy of naming my first car. She's beautiful: a muted red 2008 Hyundai Elantra. Great gas mileage, awesome safety rating, not too many miles already on it, sunroof and (possibly my favorite) cruise control on the steering wheel.
Needless to say, I am a very blessed college kid. Also easily guessed: my part time Walgreens paycheck is not going to be able to pay for this car. So how in the world did I end up driving this vehicle home today? I'm glad you asked.
My father offered me the same deal he extended to my sister when she purchased her first car six years ago: I pay the down payment and he'll take care of the rest. He did this because he knows that we will travel far and he'd rather we have reliable vehicles than purchase what we can actually afford. He wants us to be safe, and helping to provide us decent cars is one way he can be proactive in that facet of our lives.
But driving home today, I couldn't escape the feeling that I didn't deserve this. As some of you may know, a couple of summers ago I accrued a pretty rough driving record.
I totaled my mother's van because I was stupid and allowed my cell phone to distract me while driving. A few months later, I hydroplaned on a country road while driving my sister's car; I spun into a ditch and hit the same fence post three times.
It's been a running joke in my family ever since that I'm not the safest driver. I'm still living with that reputation. (My sister's boyfriend even has a bet going about how long it'll take me to wreck this car.)
So it's pretty easy to see why I have mixed feelings about receiving such a nice car today. I don't really deserve it. With my past record, I don't feel like I could ever do anything to earn such a car or the trust that goes with it. And yet, the keys are in my purse, the mirrors are adjusted to my liking and the owner's manual is mine to peruse and become knowledgeable of.
Why? Why did my parents feel the need to help me get such a nice car? They could have easily found a cheap clunker that could make it over Monteagle and leave it at that. Instead, they have given me this Elantra, in spite of the price and in spite of my past.
Isn't is so much like the grace and mercy of God? We can never do anything to deserve it, and He had to pay such a high price to offer it to us. Yet He didn't hesitate to die on the cross. Why?
Because we're worth it. We are so precious to Him, in spite of our shortcomings, that He went all the way to Calvary to pay for our salvation. All He asks of us is that we live a life of love, love for Him and love for others.
Similarly, my dad asks that, in return for his trust and his investment in me, I exercise caution and discretion in my actions. It's such a small thing to ask when I consider the sacrifices that he and my mother are making in order for me to have such a vehicle.
So, in recognition of my parents' faith in me and of the sacrifice that God made for me, I have decided to name my car Mercy.
For I have been granted mercy by both my parents and God: a chance to escape my past driving record and a chance to escape a life of sin. I can't change my past, but I can live in the light that God has cast upon me. I choose to walk in that path, in that bright future that I know God has for me.
And every time I get behind the wheel of my vehicle, I will remember to thank God for Mercy, both the action and the car.
Needless to say, I am a very blessed college kid. Also easily guessed: my part time Walgreens paycheck is not going to be able to pay for this car. So how in the world did I end up driving this vehicle home today? I'm glad you asked.
My father offered me the same deal he extended to my sister when she purchased her first car six years ago: I pay the down payment and he'll take care of the rest. He did this because he knows that we will travel far and he'd rather we have reliable vehicles than purchase what we can actually afford. He wants us to be safe, and helping to provide us decent cars is one way he can be proactive in that facet of our lives.
But driving home today, I couldn't escape the feeling that I didn't deserve this. As some of you may know, a couple of summers ago I accrued a pretty rough driving record.
I totaled my mother's van because I was stupid and allowed my cell phone to distract me while driving. A few months later, I hydroplaned on a country road while driving my sister's car; I spun into a ditch and hit the same fence post three times.
It's been a running joke in my family ever since that I'm not the safest driver. I'm still living with that reputation. (My sister's boyfriend even has a bet going about how long it'll take me to wreck this car.)
So it's pretty easy to see why I have mixed feelings about receiving such a nice car today. I don't really deserve it. With my past record, I don't feel like I could ever do anything to earn such a car or the trust that goes with it. And yet, the keys are in my purse, the mirrors are adjusted to my liking and the owner's manual is mine to peruse and become knowledgeable of.
Why? Why did my parents feel the need to help me get such a nice car? They could have easily found a cheap clunker that could make it over Monteagle and leave it at that. Instead, they have given me this Elantra, in spite of the price and in spite of my past.
Isn't is so much like the grace and mercy of God? We can never do anything to deserve it, and He had to pay such a high price to offer it to us. Yet He didn't hesitate to die on the cross. Why?
Because we're worth it. We are so precious to Him, in spite of our shortcomings, that He went all the way to Calvary to pay for our salvation. All He asks of us is that we live a life of love, love for Him and love for others.
Similarly, my dad asks that, in return for his trust and his investment in me, I exercise caution and discretion in my actions. It's such a small thing to ask when I consider the sacrifices that he and my mother are making in order for me to have such a vehicle.
So, in recognition of my parents' faith in me and of the sacrifice that God made for me, I have decided to name my car Mercy.
For I have been granted mercy by both my parents and God: a chance to escape my past driving record and a chance to escape a life of sin. I can't change my past, but I can live in the light that God has cast upon me. I choose to walk in that path, in that bright future that I know God has for me.
And every time I get behind the wheel of my vehicle, I will remember to thank God for Mercy, both the action and the car.
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Once upon a T[U2]esday night...
Last Tuesday, Oct. 6, 2009, was one of the most amazing nights I have ever had. Some friends and I traveled to Atlanta, Ga., for the U2 360 tour. (You can read a review of the concert that I wrote here.)
This night was a night of many firsts for me: the first time I'd been to a mainstream concert, the first time I'd been to any event where alcohol was sold, the first time I had ever bought a tour shirt, just to name a few. (I can now truthfully tell someone that I have been there, done that, got the T-shirt!)
It was also a first for one of my best friends: I was so glad to get to rock out with Richard at his first big concert experience. And we did indeed rock all night.
I decided to share a couple of my favorite songs from the concert here. Sometimes the sound quality isn't the greatest, and at times the background noise (such as the beer vendor in the second video) gets annoying, but these memories are some that I will cherish forever. I was truly "stuck in a moment" in the "city of blinding lights."
Hope you enjoy!
This night was a night of many firsts for me: the first time I'd been to a mainstream concert, the first time I'd been to any event where alcohol was sold, the first time I had ever bought a tour shirt, just to name a few. (I can now truthfully tell someone that I have been there, done that, got the T-shirt!)
It was also a first for one of my best friends: I was so glad to get to rock out with Richard at his first big concert experience. And we did indeed rock all night.
I decided to share a couple of my favorite songs from the concert here. Sometimes the sound quality isn't the greatest, and at times the background noise (such as the beer vendor in the second video) gets annoying, but these memories are some that I will cherish forever. I was truly "stuck in a moment" in the "city of blinding lights."
Hope you enjoy!
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